The 7 golden rules of Letting Go
In the quest for well-being and personal fulfillment, understanding how to let go becomes essential. This notion, often associated with positive psychology, sophrology and the teachings of professionals such as Cécile Neuville and Clarisse Cholet, goes far beyond a simple concept. Letting go forms the basis of a balanced life, enabling us to gain a grip on parasitic thoughts, complex professional situations and emotional dependencies.
At the heart of this process are relaxation exercises, sophrology sessions and self-exploration through nature walks. The process also involves getting to grips with negative emotions and self-talk, and offers a unique perspective on self-confidence, loss management and the importance of living fully in the present moment.
Definition of Letting Go
Letting go, as a fundamental basis of well-being, manifests itself in the ability to let go of negative thoughts and misconceptions that hinder our fulfillment. It is based on the idea of gaining a grip on oneself, whether in difficult everyday situations, moments of pressure at work, or personal relationships.
Breathing exercises, natural practices such as nature walks, and sophrological relaxation methods are all techniques that promote emotional letting go. Sophrologist-analyst Clarisse Cholet, for example, offers sessions aimed at developing a mental grip on inner talk and emotional dependencies. By practicing abdominal breathing and becoming aware of body parts, it becomes possible to release tension, reduce blood pressure, and improve physical and mental health.
Letting go is also about stepping back from hardship, a hand on the stomach to calm the heartbeat, and striking the right balance between daily life and moments of relaxation. By freeing ourselves from misconceptions and adopting a positive outlook, letting go becomes a natural practice for an easy grip on life's challenges.
But before I get to the heart of the matter, I'd like to share with you a little Buddhist story I came across.
The story of the young and the old monk
Once upon a time, there were 2 Buddhist monks on a journey. One was an old monk and the other was young. On their journey they came to a very turbulent river, and on its bank stood a young woman.
She was clearly preoccupied with how to get to the other side of the river without drowning.
The young monk passed her by without looking at her and crossed the river.
As for the old monk, he went to the woman and carried her across the river on his shoulders.
Once across, he set her down, separated and continued their journey.
As the journey progressed, the old monk could see a certain concern in the younger man's mind. So he asked him what was wrong.
The young monk replied: "How dare you wear it like that? You know we can't touch women, it's against our way of life."
The old monk replied: "I left that woman by the river a long time ago, but why are you still wearing her?"
The old monk had broken the rules, but for a good reason. Once he'd reached his goal, he put it down and carried on. He never gave it a second thought. The young monk, on the other hand, had not touched the woman. But he carried in his mind the old monk's past actions as well as the emotional burden of this rule-breaking.
What does this story teach us?
In reality, in life, the past doesn't have to be a burden. It can be seen as a simple experience from which you have the opportunity to draw something positive, a learning experience, a lesson.
The past has happened, it's over. It cannot be changed. If you cling to something that happened in the past and makes you suffer, every time you relive it you'll have the same suffering over and over again.
This will create a vicious circle of suffering for yourself.
Leave the past in the past and reconnect with the present moment.
The past can only be accepted.
Yesterday is a story.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present.
Simply clinging to certain people or situations prevents your life from flowing freely like water in a stream. Trust life and Mother Earth completely, knowing that they'll get you there, whatever happens.
Leave the past behind to make room for the new in your life.
This will relieve your shoulders of heavy and unnecessary burdens.
Why can't I let go? At work or in love.
The inability to let go can stem from a variety of factors, often complex and unique to each individual. Here are a few possible reasons why some people find it hard to let go:
1. Fear of the unknown: Letting go often involves facing the unknown and uncertainty, which can generate anxiety in some people.
2. Perfectionism: Perfectionists often find it difficult to let go, as they constantly seek to control every aspect of their lives and fear failure.
3. Emotional attachment: If you have a strong emotional attachment to a situation, person or outcome, it can be difficult to let go, even if it's necessary for your well-being.
4. Lack of self-confidence: Letting go requires confidence in yourself and in your ability to face challenges. A lack of confidence can get in the way.
5. Limiting beliefs: Deep-rooted beliefs about the need to control every aspect of one's life can make the process of letting go difficult.
6. Thinking habits: Negative thoughts, ruminations and destructive thought patterns can create a vicious circle that hinders the ability to let go.
7. Education or culture: Certain cultural or educational environments can encourage control and mastery, making it more difficult to accept letting go.
8. Fear of losing control: For some people, letting go is perceived as a loss of control, which can trigger feelings of insecurity.
9. Resistance to change: Letting go often involves change, and some people naturally resist change, even positive change.
10. Need for external validation: If you're constantly seeking validation from others, it can be difficult to let go, as it may involve failing to meet other people's expectations.
It's important to recognize these obstacles and gradually work on them, possibly with the help of a mental health professional, to develop strategies that promote letting go and emotional well-being.
If you aspire to deep, true letting go, then I've got 7 golden rules to help you get there.
How do I learn to relax and let go?
1) Learn to let go by sitting on the floor
One powerful method is to sit in front of a body of water while cultivating a state of deep calm, contemplation, stillness, union and fusion with living nature.
There's an art to sitting on the floor and cultivating stillness. To know how to sit on the ground in the right way is to invite into yourself all the beings who have practised this method with purity since the beginning of time.
It's this state of mind, this sensitivity, this respect that's needed to practice this method: you have to feel at one with all the pure, authentic, sincere beings who have practiced this exercise.
By trying to live as an egoist (consciously or unconsciously), we cut ourselves off from others, shutting ourselves in, trapped and enslaved by a false, fabricated self-image. On the other hand, by opening up to others with purity, by participating fully in their enterprise, we find our true being, our freedom, our fulfillment. Of course, we must not unite with just anyone, but only with authentic, honest and pure beings.
In all peoples' traditions, sitting on the ground with respect, adopting a posture conducive to relaxation, recollection, awakening, dignity and honour, in order to enter the sacred world and listen silently to the universal spirit, has always been considered an act of elementary psychic hygiene, global health and self-fulfilment.
You might think this method is simplistic, but in reality it's often the simplest things that are the most effective!
And you may be wondering how this practice relates to letting go? Well, follow me all the way and you'll understand why it's essential!
Sit on the ground with simplicity, authenticity and honesty. The soul of the ground, the soul of the water, does not cheat: it will reflect back to us the image of our own soul.
Another key is to want to sit on the ground in the way of the true eternal being within. At first we try, we pretend, we imagine, and after a while we're inspired, we taste new impressions, our vision of the world changes..
2) Harmonizing the 4 elements
All the physical and psychological imbalances we experience can be resolved by harmonizing the four elements. These four elements are not only physical, but also energetic, spiritual... They can be found in everything.
Here I invite you to read the article I wrote on the subject, entitled "living in harmony with the 4 elements".
Sitting in front of a body of water is a magical act, bringing the four elements together.
Get into the habit of cultivating serene calm at the center of the four elements.
Experience shows that the presence of water makes meditation, meditation and prayer more effective. It has the ability to awaken man's inner life. It increases the power of thought, imagination and vitality. Water from a mountain lake is particularly beneficial.
3) Letting go exercises: cultivating silence and stillness
What is calm?
Stillness in desires.
What is harmony?
Stillness in feelings.
What is clarity?
Immobility of thought.
When you have problems in your life, when you're not feeling well, you have to learn to become like a statue.
To become a statue means to enter into total immobility, but not by freezing up, by tensing up. It's quite the opposite that needs to be cultivated. Through a skilful blend of self-control and bodily relaxation, the miracle can happen: the body disappears.
Whatever position you choose, it must be comfortable, with a naturally straight back. Hidden in the spine is the mysterious fire that leads to the awakening of consciousness and self-mastery. The more you are able to place your body weight on the ground, the more you will feel the energy of serene calm developing within you.
Consciousness must always remain alert, and the deep breath can be used to center thought and inner life in clarity of mind.
The key to success is to feel the verticality of the sky, which uplifts and awakens, and the horizontality of the earth, which supports and calms.
If you offer your love to the earth, resting on it with confidence, it will absorb not only your weight, but also all your impurities, worries and problems.
You shouldn't try to sit down and think about the best way to solve your problems. It's a trap. You have to sit down to commune with the earth, the sky and yourself. Problems will then be solved.
If you can't keep your body still once you're sitting on the floor, this simply shows that you really need this technique and that you need to learn it. Some things take practice. It's by overcoming this difficulty that you'll change your whole life and even improve your health and vitality.
4) Be like a lake.
This is an image I like to use because it speaks volumes.
Man's physical body corresponds to the rocks that delimit the lake and form its bottom. Self-consciousness, the earthly self, the personality with its desires, feelings and thoughts correspond to the water of the lake. Below is the earth resting at the bottom of the lake, and above is the immensity of the sky. The water is full of influences, of movements that bring particles into play, and all this forms images in itself, which determine personality, actions and destiny.
At the bottom of the lake is silt. When the bottom is stirred up, man receives images, inspirations, patterns, lower states of mind that plunge him into darkness, confusion, ignorance and disease. He no longer knows who he is.
When the water calms, the silt sinks to the bottom and settles. The water becomes transparent and pure. It can then be fertilized by the sun's rays and reflect clouds, stars or trees. Plants and fish can thrive in it. In this way, man receives images and superior knowledge, and gains access to higher states of life and consciousness.
In the same way, man is like a lotus flower, struggling to emerge from the mud and make its way through the currents and influences that carry it left and right.
Only when the plant has made its way through the world of water will it be able to blossom and offer its most beautiful fragrances to a larger, more beautiful world.
It's important to cultivate these images, as they remind us of the path we ourselves must take to blossom.
Meditation in front of a canvas of sacred geometry, such as the Lotus Flower, the Tree of Life or the Flower of Life, offers a profoundly enriching experience. These ancient symbols, imbued with spiritual and esoteric meanings, serve as portals to inner transcendence.
When confronted with these harmonious geometrical forms, the mind naturally finds a calming focus. Meditation then takes on a special dimension, guiding thoughts towards a state of calm and spiritual connection. The Lotus Flower, symbol of purity and rebirth, or the Tree of Life, representing the interconnectedness of all existence, become points of concentration conducive to inner exploration. Meditation in front of these sacred works of art offers a unique visual and spiritual experience, inviting contemplation, introspection and self-discovery beyond the limits of everyday life.
5) How to let go of the past and free yourself from conditioning
There's a belief in the modern world that we exist on our own and can do whatever we want. Each individual is unique, but you're also part of a whole. We function with the whole. If we dissociate ourselves from it, we create problems for ourselves.
There's a principle of peace and cohesion in nature. The principle of harmony is universal.
Our environment and our upbringing condition us to an extreme degree. Our conditioning is cultural, social, familial and so on.
We must recognize that a large part of ourselves comes from conditioning. Our desires, feelings and emotions are conditioned by our culture, our religion, our era.
Behind human thoughts, attitudes and actions lies a vast invisible realm populated by living creatures. Life is not fragmented, but rather manifests itself as a fraternal bond that unites all the kingdoms of nature and all the creatures of the world.
So when man cuts the link that unites him to the common higher consciousness, he poisons not only his own destiny, but also that of the kingdoms below him. Life no longer circulates between beings. Man then generates parasitic thoughts that will torment him and make him suffer.
Man can very well live on earth without any link with the divine higher intelligence, without love, without wisdom, without conscience, but then he is no longer a man, he is a consumer, a machine.
Life is a dangerous path, and nothing can replace the spirit of awakening, vigilance and, above all, effort and work towards full self-possession and self-realization.
We must recognize that, from the moment we are born, we are surrounded by influences who want our "good". They take charge of us and lead us along the path of education and learning about life. But for what purpose(s)?
We have to admit that, from childhood onwards, certain desires, inclinations, habits, concepts and ways of being in the world are instilled in us.
Realizing that we are constantly acting out of conditioning and beliefs is a big step on the road. Learning to free yourself from them is the key to serene calm and self-realization.
To free yourself from conditioning, you'll need to fast from your senses. What does this mean? Well, ideally you'd like to spend several weeks on a nature retreat, listening to the sound of the wind in the trees, the song of the birds and the babbling brook, watching nature. The aim is to look, touch and feel only that which is beautiful and true, i.e. nature. And through nature, we cleanse and liberate ourselves.
6) Awaken conscious thought
To return to the image of the lake man, the man who doesn't know how to think only stirs up the sludge at the bottom of the lake. It stinks up the air and pollutes the water of consciousness and life. Suffering then follows.
By making thought conscious, he realizes that he has allowed thoughts to enter him that do not conform to the good life, to love, to justice. He decides to watch himself and consciously form thoughts linking him to the higher regions of intelligence and peace. Then everything in and around him is transformed.
In general, men watch their actions, but they let themselves go in their thoughts.
Give strength to your thoughts, make them alive and active. You have to leave your education behind.
Walking in living nature and emptying yourself of worldly thoughts, feelings and desires is a very good exercise. You have to let yourself be filled by the shapes, colors and scents of nature, while remaining empty of thought. After a while, you'll feel a sense of well-being, joy and renewal.
7) How do you let go and be yourself? THE ultimate secret
The basis of the technique is to sit on the floor, relaxing the body into silence and well-being. Relaxation is not achieved by falling asleep, but by releasing all unnecessary tension and awakening awareness in every part of the body. Life must circulate freely.
We must feel the ground and make water present in and around us. This water exists on its own and becomes visible when we focus our attention and sensitivity on it. This is when the thoughts, feelings, desires and motivations that govern the words, behaviors and actions of daily life appear.
Letting go means watching these manifestations in the water in a detached way. You have to observe yourself. These thoughts, moods and forces are not isolated, but connected to all those who think and act in affinity. The more powerful the letting go, the relaxation, the awakened calm, the more the vision expands to encompass the whole.
Death is the truly great letting go, and for this reason, many people who have come close to it report that they were able to contemplate the great images of their lives.
Don't be tense in your desire to transform yourself according to an imposed model. Calm down, soothe yourself, recognize what is without preconceived judgment, without fear, without backsliding, but by going right to the end of your search, find your true "I" and let it work on you in silence, trust and love.
I know it's often easier said than done, but all you have to do is relax, recognize the sublime in your life and trust it to become who you really are again.
That's the secret of letting go: becoming transparent to the true being I eternally Am. Think, feel and act in it.
Letting go means letting go of the false, ephemeral ego, so as to gradually become aware of the true, of being in oneself and in everything, of transparency and luminosity.
The more thoughts, feelings and preoccupations of the ephemeral self are abandoned, the more calm, harmony and clarity can settle into the water of consciousness, revealing the immobility that is the gateway to the presence of being in oneself and in everything.
Letting go means letting go of the negative, i.e. everything that clutters up life, complicates it and stands in the way.
Letting go is above all a philosophy, a way of life. It's the quest for an aptitude for happiness, a cult of simplicity and good humor. It's about focusing on what's essential. Beginning to introduce immobility into one's gestures, desires, feelings and thoughts, while remaining vigilantly awake, means stopping all manifestations of the fabricated self and the external world.
Letting go also means abandoning our prefabricated prejudices, our upbringing and the philosophy of our sick and anarchic society, and turning towards the great, the noble, the true, the good.
Working on letting go and self-confidence
You may think that the practices described above are simplistic and harmless?
Why don't you try putting them into practice?
What I'm trying to make you understand is that you need to cultivate a certain inner state and find the right balance for letting go to occur. And this applies to all the virtues such as Peace, Confidence etc.
In this way, there are basic states to cultivate in order to provide good soil for the virtues (remember the image of the lake).
This is really THE ultimate secret: learning to cultivate the great calm within yourself by mastering your sphere of thought, feeling and will.
Learn to put the silt of our moods, thoughts, feelings and will at the bottom of the lake. And when all the conditions are right, the lotus flower can bloom.
This flower is you, it's your soul, your true being.
Once you've developed this state of being, the technique of letting go consists in stepping back from the film of your own life, as it were, to extract yourself from it in order to gain a clearer vision and receive a new strength that will enable you to put things right.
In the end, this happens naturally. But if you don't start practicing, nothing rien.Tout will happen to you, nothing can touch you. You look at things and situations in a neutral way, as they really are.
You'll avoid loss of energy and sleep disturbances.
The whirlwind of life stops sweeping you away.
You let go of the gaze of others (relational letting go)
You can settle down, breathe and control yourself.
You realize that there is wisdom in everything.
That life is perfect.
That life is beautiful.
And remember, you're not alone. Professionals such as psychologists, sophrologists and therapists are there to support you when you need them.
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Sources:
- "How to let go - a Buddhist story" from a video featured on Sébastien Lecler's website.
- "Les secrets du lâcher prise" published by Essenia
- Words of wisdom from the book "La Guérison de l'Âme" (Essenia Editions)